Pracujące Poniedziałki: Inventing my Own English Words, Jonny Blair’s Dictionary, Jonnego Blairowski

“Welcome to my world” – Jim Reeves.

A different Pracujące Poniedziałki (Working Mondays) for you today as I delve into my own wacaday, mysterious world where I add my own words and invent new words to and within the English language. If “to hoover” is a verb, “tannoy” is a noun and “facebooky” an adjective, then I am in on the act. Shakespeare style with a Northern Irishman based in Poland twist. Mine’s a żurek, pierogi ruskie and a cold beer. #tourist #travelwriter #jonnegoblairowski

During the last 12 months since I relocated to Poland (by complete mistake and default I should add), I have been in constant depression, suicidal almost daily. I was lied to by friends, disrespected as a tourist and travel writer, stalked by a Guru God who thinks he knows the answers to all the world’s problems. So again in life, I turned to my paper and pen for solace. I wrote new books, travel articles, poems, football articles and then I started to invent new words. And now, those words all come together today on one easy post where I tell you the new words that I invented, and what they mean.

“Rozmawiam z Jonnym w Manhattana” – Rafal Kowalczyk.

Barathon – (noun) to tour bars, cafes, pubs or clubs over a period of 26 hours without sleep.
Example sentence – “Hey mate, do you fancy doing the Monopoly Pub Crawl in London, it’s a cool barathon”.

Carathon – (noun) to drive a car for a distance of 26 miles.
Example sentence – “Let’s take the kids out for a wee carathon”.

Cow-excrementor –(noun) – A person who deliberately lies to someone else, causing harm to their mental health, often to the point where the victim feels suicidal or constantly depressed. In extreme cases, Cow-excrementors can be directly responsible for the suicides of others.
Example sentence – “That girl over there is a nasty cow-excrementor, she lies so much she is horizontal”.

Crackpacker – (noun, person) – A person who cannot really handle backpacking. They start to travel and then realise it is not for them, so they crack up and quit, returning to a less nomadic lifestyle.
Example sentence – “Gordon Guru God is a crackpacker, so he is”.

Crackpacking – (verb or noun) The art of not being able to handle backpacking. You start to go travelling and then realise it is not for you, so you crack up and quit, returning to a less nomadic lifestyle.
Example sentence – “Gordon Guru God was crackpacking but now he sells biscuits in Thailand”.

Cracksbomb – (experience/event – female only) – a spontaneous orgasmic thrill caused in female genital department, caused by depression. Male equivalent is “sacksbomb”.
Example sentence – “I have been suicidal for months but while lying in bed I had a quick and unexpected cracksbomb”.

Footballic – (adjective) – A describing word for something totally unrelated to the game of football but somehow resembles it. A good example would be a guy who put his knife and fork brace into the shape of a football net area on the dinner table and later finger flicked a meatball through it, shouting “1-0 to the Cherries!”
Example sentence – “Last time down the pub, my mate did something really footballic without a caser and left us all in stitches”.

Jeelonna – (a colour) – The only colour in the world that is “Jeelonna” is the current Northern Ireland home football shirt, therefore this colour changes when that team change their home shirt. With this in mind, “Jeelonna” has actually featured about 50 shades of green down the years.
Example sentence – “Here Jimmy, what colour are Northern Ireland playing in tonight?” “Are you joking me Bobby? We’re at home, so it has to be Jeelonna! We only play in Jeelona so we do”.

Jeevatschnee – (adjective) – crazy, quirky, obscure, absurd
Example sentence – There’s a cool bar where you walk in and the barman serves you from an upside down position while dancing to the Spice Girls and wearing an Eskimo suit, it’s pretty jeevatschnee.

Jokathon – (noun, joke) – a joke that never ever wanes, and in some instances grows better with time.
Example sentence – “Did you know that diarrhoea is hereditry? It runs in your jeans” (included in a Jokathon).

Kingdomist – (a person) – refers to a person (or dog, cat, living animal) who prefers to have a king controlling a number of people/alive animals in a progressive way. Female equivalent is “Queendomist”.
Example sentence – “He is a Kingdomist, so he is”.

Lunatical – (adjective) – crazy, resembling the adventures of a lunatic, odd ball.
Example sentence – “Zinedine Zidane’s headbutt on Materazzi was lunatical”.

Perm – (a perm) (noun) – frizzly, frizzy, fuzzy, wavy, curly hair whether it is natural or not and nothing to do with being “permanent” or not.
Example sentence – “I seen yer man Carlos Valderamma talking till yer man Jimmy Nicholl and both of them there buck eejits had a perm”

Queendomist – (a person) – refers to a person (or dog, cat, living animal) who prefers to have a queen controlling a number of people/alive animals in a progressive way. Male equivalent is “Kingdomist”.
Example sentence – “She is a Queendomist, so she is”.

Sacksbomb – (experience/event – male only) – a spontaneous orgasmic thrill caused in male genital department, caused by depression. Female equivalent is “cracksbomb”.
Example sentence – “I have been suicidal for months but while lying in bed I had a quick and unexpected sacksbomb”.

Scumdog – (noun, person) – A person who is perceived to, or who does support Southampton Football Club yet lives closer to the home of AFC Bournemouth or has more reason to support AFC Bournemouth than Southampton FC, yet they choose the latter.
Example sentence – “That guy is wearing a weird stripey top in the Moon in the Square pub. He’s a scumdog”.

Selfathon – (noun, event) – the act of taking 26 selfies in a self defined period of time.
Example selfathon – “Josh Magennis just did a selfathon on Instagram”.

Swankaday – (adjective) – A word to describe a person, place or thing that is swanky on a very very consistent basis, basically something that is swanky or of excellent value/worth day after day and its appeals never wanes. Examples of “swankaday” people, places or things could be – Lionel Messi, The Long Bar at Raffles Hotel in Singapore or a pint of Guinness.
Example sentences – 1. (person) Lionel Messi scored another brace. He is a swankaday footballer. 2. (place) I had a Singapore Sling in the Long Bar at Raffles Hotel in Singapore. It’s a swankaday bar. 3. (thing). I love Guinness, it’s a swankaday stout.

To cow-excrement someone – (phrasal verb) – to deliberately lie to someone else causing harm to their mental health, often to the point where the victim feels suicidal or constantly depressed.
Example sentence – (past tense) – “She’s a horrible lady. She cow-excremented me and I want to kill myself now”.

To crackpack – (regular verb) – to go backpacking and then quit because you can’t handle it.
Example sentence – (past tense) – “Piotr went travelling but couldn’t handle the food in Africa, so he crackpacked and went back home to Poland”.

To Ulsterify Ninefold/Fully (something or someone) – regular verb – to change or convert something either in reality or in your mind to something that resembles what you might class as the fullness of 9 counties of Ulster.
Example sentence – “I bought my girlfriend a packet of Tayto Cheese and Onion in order to Ulsterify her”.

To Ulsterify Sixfold (something or someone) – regular verb – to change or convert something either in reality or in your mind to something that resembles what you might class as reresentative of the 6 counties of Northern Ireland.
Example sentence – “I got my missus a framed Gareth McAuley poster in order to Ulsterify her”.

To whackpack – (regular verb) – to go backpacking in a crazier way than most backpackers, often involving lunatical acts such as nudity in the jungle, feeding hyenas, visiting countries that don’t exist, stroking crocodiles and touring Wacaday Republics.
Example Sentence – “I am going to whackpack my way through Karakalpakstan”.

Ulsterification (General/Nine-fold) – (noun) – The act of comparing everything you do in life into something that is done in the 9 countries of Ulster, or the act of converting everything into something reminiscent of something in the 9 counties of Ulster. Similar to the Red Hot Chili Peppers use of the word “Californication”.
Example Sentence – “Some guy from Bangor formed a rugby supporters club in China. He declared it the Ulsterification of local rugby”.

Ulsterification (Six-fold) – (noun) – The act of comparing everything you do in life into something that is done in the 6 countries of Ulster that make up Northern Ireland, or the act of converting everything into something reminiscent of something in the 6 counties of Northern Ireland. Similar to the Red Hot Chili Peppers use of the word “Californication”.
Example Sentence – “Some guy from Ballymena opened a “We love Niall McGinn” pub in Gorno Badakhshan. He declared it the Ulsterification of Tajikistan”.

Undenmarkable – (Adjective) – despite having a similarity to something in Denmark, this activity is completely unrelated to Denmark, often in a legal sense. An example of this could be a Lego set that is the face of Barack Obama.
Example Sentence – “It’s Barack Obama in New York made of Lego. Yet totally undenmarkable”.

• Wacaday – (adjective) – Anything crazy or reminiscent of 1980s era “Timmy Mallet” shows on British Television. Note – this was not invented by me but by Timmy Mallet, but I have used it frequently and it was the inspiration behind the word “whackpacking”.

Warathon – (noun) – a war or bloody battle that lasts for any period featuring the number “26”. This could be 26 seconds, 26 minutes, 26 hours, 26 days, 26 months, 26 years.
Example sentence – “The Germans have been in a warathon with Poland for 26 years”.

Whackfly – (verb) – if you “whackfly” into somewhere, it means you have got there by aeroplane in a crazy way. This could be on something like Ryanair for as cheap as £2 a flight, or you dressed as a elephant and drank Chambord on the flight.
Example Sentence – “Yer man is wearing a Maggie Thatcher wig and has his willy in an inflatable donkey. He is whackflying to Azerbuckijan”.

Whackpacker – (noun, person) – a person who goes backpacking in a crazier way than most backpackers, often involving lunatical acts such as nudity in the jungle, feeding hyenas, visiting countries that don’t exist, stroking crocodiles and touring Wacaday Republics.
Example Sentence – “I met a whackpacker who got his willy out at a sauna and snow diving party in Jarvenpaa in Finland”.

Whackpacking – (noun) the art of going backpacking in a crazier way than most backpackers, often involving lunatical acts such as nudity in the jungle, feeding hyenas, visiting countries that don’t exist, stroking crocodiles and touring Wacaday Republics.
Example Sentence – “When I went whackpacking in Ethiopia, I fed hyenas mouth to mouth”.

All words except “Wacaday” (copyright Timmy Mallet) were invented by Jonny Scott Blair (Jonnego Blairowski) during the depression era July 2016 to June 2017 or during the 1980s.

All words are ready for frequent use. None of them are yet recognised by the Oxford or Cambridge dictionary.

Mis-use of these words will be deemed lunatical.